Tag Archives: Lost

Spoilerific Thoughts on Televison

Anyone who didn’t catch Breaking Bad or Lost last night should stop. Now. Don’t read this at all. Please, I don’t want to be held responsible for shattering your fragile little world’s when I tell you that, in the end, the glow at the Heart of the Island was really Walt and Pinkman’s meth lab…oops. Got my wires crossed! But seriously, you’ve been warned.

So Lost is over. For me personally the ending was satisfying, but the reason is because, as the days leading up to this most epic of television events ticked by I realized that I had next to zero emotional attachment to the show. Several years ago I ripped through season one on DVD then made no effort to stay up to date until this last January when I watched seasons 2-5 all in one month. I gave myself no time to allow these characters and their stories to soak in. All I wanted to do was be there, with a group of friends every week, to see it all come to a close. Don’t read that as me not enjoying the show. Quite the opposite. I loved the shit out of Desmond and the hatch. I loved Farraday and the time travel stuff. Ben was a great villain. And as I sped to the last checkpoint before season 6 began I expected to get more of the same science fiction stuff I was liking so much as I essentially browsed through Lost in 9 hour chunks. This final season, however, was a departure in a lot of ways from what I personally liked about the show and my plan to start caring about the characters once I was watching them one hour a week completely fell apart. This season never hooked me in the way that I imagine the previous two would have if I hadn’t treated them like homework. But I made my peace with that fairly early on and so, when the show ended last night, I found satisfying closure on a season of a show I had fun watching, but I doubt I would have been as happy with it had I been there, every week, from day one.

Given the overtly spiritual 180 the show did from its batshit sci-fi, the ending seemed very fitting even if a bit predictable–predictable in the sense that some aspect of the characters’ reality was in fact a world after death. It felt a lot like the ending of The Chronicles of Narnia, though it’s been a while since I’ve read The Last Battle, but I remember it having a similar twist ending. But again, this season wasn’t really the Lost I had planned on–or really wanted–to see. Had they kept up with the science fiction stuff this ending probably would have been received as a big “fuck you” to the fans, but since Lost tended to re-write its own rule book each season it’s ending manages to work. Compare that to the ending of Battlestar Galactica, which shared a lot of themes and ideas with Lost, the most obvious being the crazy, long haired dudes from the UK. With BSG, it was bad enough that by season 3 the characters had all started acting erratically, but when it became obvious that the final five Cylons were picked out of a hat at random, things just got silly. Peppered with a few awesome moments, BSG’s last season more or less boiled down to a great, action-y first half and a slow, muddled conclusion where Starbuck is, essentially, an angel. And that just made me mad.

Why do I bring this up? I bring it up because, again, both shows had a lot in common, in this case faith and spirituality. But whereas Lost would change a bit every season so that the writers could explore new, otherwise impossible ideas, BSG didn’t. By kicking off it’s last season with Jacob, the Man in Black,  a couple of different factions of Jacob worshipers and all of the very heavy good vs. evil religious-y stuff, it sort of holds our hand as we eased into a world where an ending such as the sideways world is actually a place before heaven. BSG had no basis for it’s explanation/inference of what Starbuck was when she came back. Sure Baltar saw an imaginary Six for four years, but they also played him as being potentially crazy for a while. Sure the Cylons had always spoken of a singular, higher being. But when you have a show where it is perfectly normal to see a dead person come back because they were, in fact, just one of many copies of a robot who looked like a person, it’s a bit hard to swallow. Plus BSG was never subtle unless it was a red herring like the lost Cylon model who fans immediately clung to as an explanation for Starbuck’s return, a hypothesis that got so out of hand that one of the show’s creators had to break his rule of not chiming in on fan theories and put a stop to it before it unofficially became official.

But back to Lost: I never really wanted to now what the Island was. I was always more interested in why the characters were there so I’m good with no explanation on that end. I needed a reason as to why Starbuck was back. I didn’t need to know what the glowing cave was or what uncorking it did. The way I see it is that the characters never knew and once the few of them who were left got off the Island for good, they were never going to look back and try and figure it all out. It would have seemed trite to spell it all out for them (and us). So yeah, it was cool. I enjoyed it all to an extent, but I really sort of wish I had gotten on board earlier. It was undoubtedly a TV event and one that it would have been cool to get really riled up for one way or the other.

Meanwhile, one of Breaking Bad’s best episodes silently sneaks around in the shadows of a phenomenon. In one hour, all set in one room with only two characters ever speaking, it packed more emotional punch than I was prepared for. While I thought it was touching to see Sawyer and Juliet “wake up” in the sideways world I nearly fucking wept when Walter poured his exhausted heart out to Jesse about when it would have been perfect for him to die of his cancer. And when Walt comes within inches of confessing to Jesse that he just stood by and watched Jane die…that was powerful television. But again, it’s a matter of how that television is watched. I’ve watched Breaking Bad every Sunday since the first episode. The moments that made this episode so powerful were years in the making as opposed to days or hours. I get a week to stew over what these characters have done and wonder what will happen next as opposed to just selecting the next chunk of episodes instantly off of a queue (bless and damn you, Netflix!)

I don’t even know what I’m getting at anymore (for the record, I went out after that last paragraph and played Magic for an hour or so, so my train of thought just completely derailed). I guess what I’m trying to say is last this: last night was a huge night for television because a show I had a casual emotional interest in ended it’s six season run with a two and a half hour finale that was more satisfying than the two and a half hour finale of a show I cared much more about all while a show I like even more than the both of them combined times infinite had one of it’s best, most emotionally exposing, German engineered to perfection in terms of writing episodes where almost NOTHING physically happened and probably next to no one watched it, myself included.

The End.

A Very Special “Cool as Tatooine”

Yoda H. Christ! Have I been away from this for a while or have I been away from this for a while? Thanks to the one-two punch of the holidays and a looming deadline I haven’t really been able to give my various faux-archeological projects (read that as “watching/reading/playing with lots of Star Wars shit) the attention I had originally planned. Ah well, such is life. Life. Life is good. Life is rich with such academically stimulating activities as trying to catch up with Lost in time for the upcoming final season. And when I say catch up I mean start where I left off–season 2–and watch anywhere from 4 to 9 episodes in any given sitting in order to be ready to go when all sorts of batshit happens in a week or so. I set out on this mission in the first few days of the month and currently have 20 episodes left ahead of me. That means that in less than a month I’ve watched 57 episodes in half as many days. This is why I kept putting the show off. Because I’m a fiend for television. I have no delusions of self-restraint. In fact, I’m surprised I’m wasting my time writing this when I should be watching it RIGHT NOW!!! The survivors of Oceanic Flight 815 have infiltrated my dreams, exchanging suspicious banter with Jedi and getting involved in scandalous love triangles with droids that are only made more scandalous by way of a serious of flashbacks to their conveniently intertwined pre-crash lives on Tatooine and Cloud City. My true obsession and my current, flash in the pan one have bastardized my subconscious, turning it into a pop culture mongrel that is sure to render me all sorts of Hurley crazy. Let’s get back on track here–Star Wars references in Lost:

1) In the episode I just watched, Jack stepped on a Millennium Falcon toy

2) When Sawyer pretended to be Alex’s prisoner and then beat up Mac from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia he refered to their ruse as the “Old wookie prisoner trick”

3) Someone said “I’ve got a bad feeling about this” at some point

4) Hurley listed “Jabba” as one of the many insulting nicknames Sawyer had given him

5) Blah blah blah…

When I haven’t been killing myself slowly by way of talking picture box overdose I’ve been contemplating some of life’s burning questions like what would a wookie with alopecia look like. The answer: hilarious!

As you can see, it tends to hit them hardest from the waist down. Then the top of the head, followed by sporadic patches of not-so-fuzzball. It should be noted that it’s not wise to talk about a wookie’s baldness, as is evident by poor TK-421 getting his dome straight up vaporized. This took place of any “work” I told myself and others that I was going to do today. Please excuse the Death Star underpants as they don’t reflect this wookie’s allegiances. They were simply all he could find after all his junk hair fell off in the middle of a shoot out.

Speaking of Star Wars clothes (gee, with transitions like this you’d think I was a writer or something!) I have officially begun assembling the necessary materials for my Rebel Flight suit. Seriously, I ordered a jumpsuit and have some of the costume’s hardware just a button’s click away. There is no going back. As I actually receive the parts and materials I will be updating with my step-by-step process, if not for your sake (because there are plenty of tutorials for this stuff written by people who know what they’re doing) then for mine when I look back at my first costume–’cause you know that once you pop the fun don’t stop–I can see how bad I was at it. The costume will serve several functions, namely a cool gimmick for book signings, but also so I can secure my membership with the Rebel Legion, the Milky Way’s premiere good guy Star Wars costuming group.

Before I retire back to the ass-groove I’ve worked so diligently to form on the couch, I will leave you with this geeky piece of body art in progress:

For those not familiar with The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, please watch this for an explanation that will leave you only slightly less confused:

-Tony

p.s.

Someone found this blog by searching “Ahsoka Tano Ass.” Seriously. Teenage (at best, she’s more like a tweenager) Cartoon Character + Ass = At least someone other than my mom is reading this…then again, it could very well be my mom.