Tag Archives: Rebel Legion

A Very Special “Cool as Tatooine”

Yoda H. Christ! Have I been away from this for a while or have I been away from this for a while? Thanks to the one-two punch of the holidays and a looming deadline I haven’t really been able to give my various faux-archeological projects (read that as “watching/reading/playing with lots of Star Wars shit) the attention I had originally planned. Ah well, such is life. Life. Life is good. Life is rich with such academically stimulating activities as trying to catch up with Lost in time for the upcoming final season. And when I say catch up I mean start where I left off–season 2–and watch anywhere from 4 to 9 episodes in any given sitting in order to be ready to go when all sorts of batshit happens in a week or so. I set out on this mission in the first few days of the month and currently have 20 episodes left ahead of me. That means that in less than a month I’ve watched 57 episodes in half as many days. This is why I kept putting the show off. Because I’m a fiend for television. I have no delusions of self-restraint. In fact, I’m surprised I’m wasting my time writing this when I should be watching it RIGHT NOW!!! The survivors of Oceanic Flight 815 have infiltrated my dreams, exchanging suspicious banter with Jedi and getting involved in scandalous love triangles with droids that are only made more scandalous by way of a serious of flashbacks to their conveniently intertwined pre-crash lives on Tatooine and Cloud City. My true obsession and my current, flash in the pan one have bastardized my subconscious, turning it into a pop culture mongrel that is sure to render me all sorts of Hurley crazy. Let’s get back on track here–Star Wars references in Lost:

1) In the episode I just watched, Jack stepped on a Millennium Falcon toy

2) When Sawyer pretended to be Alex’s prisoner and then beat up Mac from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia he refered to their ruse as the “Old wookie prisoner trick”

3) Someone said “I’ve got a bad feeling about this” at some point

4) Hurley listed “Jabba” as one of the many insulting nicknames Sawyer had given him

5) Blah blah blah…

When I haven’t been killing myself slowly by way of talking picture box overdose I’ve been contemplating some of life’s burning questions like what would a wookie with alopecia look like. The answer: hilarious!

As you can see, it tends to hit them hardest from the waist down. Then the top of the head, followed by sporadic patches of not-so-fuzzball. It should be noted that it’s not wise to talk about a wookie’s baldness, as is evident by poor TK-421 getting his dome straight up vaporized. This took place of any “work” I told myself and others that I was going to do today. Please excuse the Death Star underpants as they don’t reflect this wookie’s allegiances. They were simply all he could find after all his junk hair fell off in the middle of a shoot out.

Speaking of Star Wars clothes (gee, with transitions like this you’d think I was a writer or something!) I have officially begun assembling the necessary materials for my Rebel Flight suit. Seriously, I ordered a jumpsuit and have some of the costume’s hardware just a button’s click away. There is no going back. As I actually receive the parts and materials I will be updating with my step-by-step process, if not for your sake (because there are plenty of tutorials for this stuff written by people who know what they’re doing) then for mine when I look back at my first costume–’cause you know that once you pop the fun don’t stop–I can see how bad I was at it. The costume will serve several functions, namely a cool gimmick for book signings, but also so I can secure my membership with the Rebel Legion, the Milky Way’s premiere good guy Star Wars costuming group.

Before I retire back to the ass-groove I’ve worked so diligently to form on the couch, I will leave you with this geeky piece of body art in progress:

For those not familiar with The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, please watch this for an explanation that will leave you only slightly less confused:

-Tony

p.s.

Someone found this blog by searching “Ahsoka Tano Ass.” Seriously. Teenage (at best, she’s more like a tweenager) Cartoon Character + Ass = At least someone other than my mom is reading this…then again, it could very well be my mom.